I used to think that helping people meant giving them constant advice that they half heartedly follow or not. It never worked and left me drained and frustrated. I kept repeating a process that was not working. Now I know that: “A Friendly Ear” helps people find their own next step.
How do I get to live my life with the certainty of going in the right direction? A direction that puts me at ease with my choice, myself and others.
I am not a therapist. I am a painter and the lucky mother of two children with ADD and ADHD. When I first got married my husband got sick for three years with ulcerative colitis.
Living with stress, I mastered the art of arguing along with criticizing, blaming, complaining and nagging. I ended up in therapy with Jan Winhall then I got into Focusing.
What is Focusing ?
Gendlin describes it as paying attention to something in the body that is unclear. Giving time to people searching for their next step helps them help themselves. I focus with individuals and groups. I am part of APSGO (check their website) and work (or actually am friend) with many parents of acting out teenagers.
With Focusing I learned
- to be in the present. I ask myself : “Where am I?” I tend to be in the future and need a minute to come back to “now”.
- to do a role call. I name all my troubles, issues, projects, dreams…. they line up or come forward and this strangely pleases me.
- to allow an issue to come forward. There is no benefit in ignoring, repressing, rejecting or neglecting an issue. I treat it like a guest.
- to let the body be in charge. I see how it carries the issue. My job is to put the spot light on what the body senses : tension, lightness, heaviness, darkness…. whatever comes.
- to stop. Something is happening. A meaning to what the body is sensing and to what it needs to feel right. Then the right step in the right direction gets clear.
- to enjoy the ease. To give the body some time to feel how “right” feels. With time “right” will become a familiar place.
I was born and raised in the Middle East (Lebanon) and was always curious about what the opposite of war would be like. Now I know it comes with focusing and…
…“A Friendly Ear”.